i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
