She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
She's like a pop up book from hell.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
