He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
My bed smells like the plague
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
