I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
