mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Randomize
