Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
