I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
