Farmville is her only friend.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
