I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
