Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
