2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
