dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
