Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize