apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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