your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
