i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
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