Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
