after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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