I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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