You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
We have started to decorate penises.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize