idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
