I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I wish I only lived at night.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
