nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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