I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
