Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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