Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
