I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
