my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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