I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
