You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
