So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
