Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
he thought i was a dude.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
