So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
