She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
