i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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