oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
