i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
he laminated a picture of his dick.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
