Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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