I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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