Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
