she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
