Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
