i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
