Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
