I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize