Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
