What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
