i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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