OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
