One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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