he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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