the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
do nipples grow back?
Randomize