I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
