I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I need moral support for this bender
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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