i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
