We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize