a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
