I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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