We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
