I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
