Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
