Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
