I can text with my tongue
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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