I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
