i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
