im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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