hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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