I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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