I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
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