Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Drunk is a universal language darling
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
