oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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