Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
