He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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