i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
