My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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