Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize