I just cut my nipple shaving
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
