Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
