They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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