i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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