Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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