she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I want a musical about memes.
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