I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
