just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
