White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
