I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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