hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
