she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
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