Can i not drive my cunt home
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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