just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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