i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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