I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
