Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
