I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
