My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
