.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
