dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
