It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize