Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
they're like a gay fantastic four
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Randomize
