I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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