she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
honey bunches of taint.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
